Reflecting on my week via Insta-Friday

life rearranged

Last weekend started off early with me meeting an old friend (which coincidentally is a friend of another friend, such a small world.) for breakfast in Oberlin. We ate at the Fresh Start Cafe, if you are ever in the area it is yummy, inexpensive, AND they have gluten free options including bread!!

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After breakfast I decided to head over to the new Oberlin Goodwill to check out what new stuff they have since it’s been a while since I was in there. I was bummed that I wasn’t the person that spent the first dollar in the store so I could be on the plaque until I looked at the photo.

Yes, that is me & my mama in the background of the photo. Just so you know I had found a brand new thirty-one bag on the racks for $2! I said “Look, Ma, it’s a thirty-one bag!” She examined it, agreed and then tossed it into her cart and walked away!

When I saw the photo I may have probably squealed and maybe the whole store just kind of looked at me like I was crazy.

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After returning home from my adventures in Oberlin, I finished off the blanket for my new nephew.

It is super soft and I love it so much. Many thanks to my instagram pal, Joni, for sharing her Granny Stripe blanket with us so often that I had to make one myself.

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After dropping off the blanket to my nephew the girls & I headed to the store to pick up some things we needed and we got a couple bags of these.

They are seriously the best things ever. The Husband even commented on how good they were and he doesn’t even like sweet potatoes. My only complaint to Terra about them would be the whole ‘limited edition’ thing. Seriously these are a year round staple!

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The Husband had a couple of days off in the middle of the week (I know!) and so this was my resulting view because he needed to rid the online gaming world of zombies.

I am pretty sure in the event of a Zombiepocolypse we will be okay as long as everything plays out the same as it did on the PS3.

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On Thursday a post of mine went live at Miss Unlimited on being Sixteen and Pregnant.

I am seriously overwhelmed by the support & love that so many people gave there and on facebook & twitter.

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Today my baby got contacts and I was banished to the waiting room while she had contact lens class. Thankfully I had my crochet to keep me company.

Linking up with Life Rearranged for InstaFriday. You should totally play along, it’s awesome. And speaking of awesome, so is this giveaway I am doing right now-GO ENTER!!

My Anxiety Caused by Tunnels

After you get over the initial shock that I am 33 years old and I have a 16 year old and a 13 year old you laugh and tell me about how smart i was to start so young. I will then in turn chuckle and reply with some trite cliche that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Let me set something straight. I hate that stupid tunnel, with its light shining bright. Who said that I wanted to go anywhere near that god forsaken tunnel, isn’t there a door or a fence or a big rock to put up so that I can’t see it anymore?

That tunnel gives me more anxiety than I care to admit. It makes me wallow in self pity wondering where all the time went and just like that more time is gone.

I need more time.

Before I was even an adult I became a mother and then a wife. I have two beautiful daughters, a loss that haunts me more than I care to admit and a wonderful & supportive husband. Most days I think my family is complete, but there are days when I beg, plead, and make deals with God for just one more babe to carry in my womb, to suckle at my breast, to cradle in my arms.

Being a mother has defined me. I have been a mother for nearly half of my life and even through the trying days I never once regret being a mother to my girls. Sure, it’s hard work, but it is something that I know I was made for. It just flies by so damn fast.

I’m not scared for my girls going out into the world. I have raised two beautiful, smart and confident young ladies. I have no doubt that when they get into the world it won’t swallow them up but will be conquered in ways that only they can imagine. My biggest fear, my greatest source of anxiety is myself.

Who are you Heather and exactly what are you going to do with yourself once these girls fly from the nest? It scares me because I don’t know who am I without them. Becoming a mother before you even know what you are becoming yourself makes these last few years scary. Sure I had fleeting thoughts of who I was or what I wanted to do, but they never came to fruition and to be honest I can’t even remember what those thoughts were about anyways.

I am a photographer and writer and I love what I do, but they are my muses and without them I just don’t know if I will see the world the same way.

I know, I know when they leave the nest they aren’t going to disappear and never be heard from again, but they won’t be here consuming my every moment with their bad TV, crazy YouTube videos, and fights over whose turn it is to wear the blue sweater or the salt stains on some one’s boots that someone else put there.

I can’t imagine a life in which I don’t have to make lunches, drive them here or there, do massive amounts of laundry that I complain about, or wonder which girl took my tweezers no matter how many times I tell them not to take them out of the bathroom.

So many people are scared to become parents. They don’t know what to expect, how will their lives change, will they lose all of their friends? I have those same fears for myself and I don’t know how to squelch those fears, to reassure myself that everything will be alright, that I will survive.

But while I am figuring it all out, if you are on the other side of that tunnel will you please turn off that light?

Nothing short of Amazing

This week has been all sorts of awesome and amazing and it is only Tuesday night.

I swear that after I take it all in I will update here, with photos.

Because the week isn’t over yet and I am positive there is more amazingness to come.

Why?

Because she is one amazing woman & I am happy to call her friend.