Conquering the Cartwheels in Life

fear meme

My first cartwheel in I don’t even know.

Is there something that you used to love to do? That one thing you used to do it all the time and now you can’t remember the last time you did it. I am sure that you stopped doing it organically and then one day you realized that you can’t remember the last time you attempted to even do it.

One of the houses we had growing up had a large lawn that I adventured all over with my brother. If I wasn’t riding my bright pink banana seated Schwinn around I was cartwheeling across the enormous yard; at times making myself dizzy with the amount of them I did in a row. And then one day I stopped. I don’t remember why I stopped, but I do know what kept me from turning another cartwheel in my adult life.

Hello fear and doubt, there you are, telling me all of the reasons why I shouldn’t or even couldn’t turn a cartwheel at the age of 41.

  • I’m too old
  • I would need to use my rescue inhaler
  • I would fall over
  • I would twist my wrist
  • I would wrench my back
  • I would break my collar bone
  • people will see me try and possibly fail
  • people will laugh at me
  • people will talk about me

Typically if this was a task that I would seriously consider doing I would soon abandon the idea at bullet point three or four. But for whatever reason I became obsessed with trying to do a cartwheel just to prove to myself that I could in fact still do one. Everywhere I went I surveyed the area to see if I could maybe sneak a cartwheel in without injuring myself.

Yes, I even thought of doing them at the gas station, but decided against that because A, cameras and B,all of the breakable things, including myself.

Then on a sunny afternoon on the last day of September I found myself on the lawn of the Perry’s International Peace Monument with it’s level ground and lush green grass and I decided to talk myself into seeing if I could still do a cartwheel. To keep myself accountable and to remind myself I at least tried I decided to record my attempt on my phone in the broad daylight in the middle of the afternoon.

And as an OG blogging peep if I attempted to do a cartwheel and I didn’t share it on social media did it even happen at all?

When is the last time you attempted to do something that your mind or others have convinced you that you can’t do.

“If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” -Dale Carnegie

Fear and doubt have stopped me from writing here and really anywhere. I used to do it all of the time and then for no reason, fear and anxiety I just stopped. I have cheered on my friends who I have met through this space. I traveled around the country loving on, mourning with and celebrating with people I would have never crossed paths with if it wasn’t for my place here that got me started.

And just like that first cartwheel I did, these first posts aren’t going to be pretty. The flow will get better and I promise that I will learn how to stick the landing. Please be patient with me as I am learning where I need to go with my new old space.

If you need cheering on with something leave it in the comments and I will be happy to help push that fear and doubt away.

 

Feel free to share the image just give credit to @hdurdil

 

 

 

 

 

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Feeling like a heathen as I pray to the Google gods

Changes are underfoot around here and if I am going to be completely honest change scares me. Ten years ago when this site was a wee infant things were different with Google and on the interwebs. I knew I needed to make some changes, but all of that was confirmed when I attended the Bloggy Conference at Cedar Point last weekend. The shiny new header you see above is the first of many changes and was probably the easiest.

Colors have meaning

I suffer from many invisible illnesses and the new colors reflect those causes near and dear to my heart.

When you have lung issues you have to stop what you are doing to take your meds.

The purple in my header stands for Fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed with it at the age of 23 after months of horrendous pain radiating down my legs that made it nearly impossible to walk.

The grey that makes up the inner part of the letters in Domestic Extraordinaire stand for asthma and allergies. If you have seen me on social media or know me in real life you know that Chronic Persistent Asthma and severe allergies have had a hold on me since February. I am getting better day-by-day as we get my asthma managed.

The teal stands for many things that I identify with and has been one of my favorite colors my whole life. (Feel free to ask me about my wine and teal bedroom from the early 90s, however don’t ask my mother about the wooden floor that I painted because it didn’t fit with my color scheme) Teal is the awareness color for anxiety, food allergies, sexual assault and PTSD.

Moving forward

In future posts I will share how I live with these invisible and sometimes visible illnesses. I will share stories of my life dealing with chronic illness with fun and laughter peppered in. Ways that I practice self care and lessons I have learned. I will be honest and transparent so that you know that you are not alone. And I’ll probably share lots of posts about Barney and Kevin our robot vacuum as we are always together.

I look forward to taking this journey with you and now I am off to fix some SEO issues and fix all the broken links that I will create by doing what Google wishes.

Wish me luck!

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My fight with invisible illness and suicide

Did you know that September is National Suicide Prevention month and this week is National Suicide Prevention Week?

I’ve written about my own struggles with suicide before and why my tattoo is so important to me. You can read about it and the significance behind my breathe tattoo here.

I meant to share this information with you on Sunday and then again on Monday, but I couldn’t hit the publish button. You would think it would be easy to share since the words are already out there but there is such a stigma tied to suicide. People still share how it is so selfish and I didn’t feel right putting more words out there regarding voluntarily ending my life when so many others are dealing with the heartache of losing loved ones and all of their possessions.

The truth is that while I think about it, right now it isn’t in the forefront of my mind. Right now my health is improving and my reasons for being here are plenty. But we need to talk about it and not hushed tones after someone has taken their life or with an air of annoyance because an acquaintance has truthfully shared how they are feeling on a social network.

We NEED to talk about it. People are uneducated about mental health issues and many feel that a walk in the woods will help with depression better than going to a therapist and getting life saving medication. Thankfully we don’t tell asthmatics that they shouldn’t use their life saving medications to help keep their airways open and that we should just breathe in a better and more productive way. As an asthmatic I have to take many different medications to keep my lungs open and functioning. When you are seeing the rescue inhaler it is because I am having problems, you may not see the tightness in my chest or my labored breathing because I recognize the signs and treat the problem. Please don’t shun someone for taking medications for their depression, anxiety or any other mental health issue.

People don’t think of suicide as their first choice. When they are seriously considering suicide they have tried so many other things to bring that spark back into their life. They aren’t being selfish, they just see no other way out. Thankfully if you are feeling this way there is an inhaler of sorts you can use, you can call the Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Unlike your doctor who may tell you that everyone in life has stress or that things can’t be that bad, the Suicide Prevention Hotline has trained professionals to talk to you and to help you connect with local crisis centers.

The dialogue is there, we need to talk about this epidemic where one person is dying by suicide every 11.9 minutes in our country. In 2015 that resulted in over 11,000 preventable deaths.

I am worth it and so are you.

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