Dear Chicken,

Do you know how much the mommy guilt is consuming me because I wasn’t there this morning to push the hair out of your face and just stare at your sleeping eyes for a few moments before I started to rub your back to wake you up.

In those moments in the morning when the light from the hallway is streaming through the slats on the top bunk I see glimpses of the small child you once were and the woman that you are rapidly becoming.

You would grumble and roll over and I would remind you that it was your thirteenth birthday. You may have asked for a few more minutes or you may have shot right up excited to start your day.

I will never know.

I can’t believe that you are thirteen.


I just can’t wrap my head around it.

I can’t wait for next week when we can start planning your birthday bash. I remember the excitement on your face when you figured out what theme you wanted to do.

I think it will be sweet.

And soon I will be home & I will let your rifle through my bag of stuff. You will show me what new things your puppy can do and tell me all about your concert and your game and all the fun things that you did with your dad to make your day oh so special.

Thank you for understanding. Thank you for letting me follow my dreams. Thank you for just being you.

I love you my Chicken.


And then you turned fifteen

I have no idea why, but when I type out the word fifteen it just seems like you aren’t as old as when I punch those numbers 1 & 5.

I am sure that I will cherish fifteen more, say when you are sixteen.

You have grown up right before our eyes. When going through all the photos of the past fifteen years it was just amazing to me how far you have come. Especially in the last few years. One day you were a little kid and then you turned into this beautiful young woman in front of me.

Alexis, you my love, will always have a special place in my heart. Not only did you make me a mother and show me what it was like to love someone more than you thought was possible with out your heart bursting, but you helped to make an otherwise depressing day, the second anniversary of my Grandma’s death, for me a really great anniversary of your birth.

I have to think that, or I might not forgive you for those long five and a half weeks past your due date that you decided to just hang out and gestate.

Funny how when you write out five and a half weeks it doesn’t seem any shorter than it was.

You gave me strength to do things I never thought I could do. Because of your lateness, your dad went off to bootcamp, so I delivered you alone. Sure, Grandma & Grandpa were with me, but it just wasn’t the same. But I do admit that when you met your dad six and a half weeks later that it made it that much more sweet to see him. I moved all over the country far away from my family & out of the small town that I grew up in so that we could be a family. I endured months at a time with your father away from us, single parenting it, sometimes to a new place where I knew no one at all.

You forced me to step off the wall & find some friends so I could let you be sociable. I really thank you for that.

I could write and write all the ways that you have changed my life, but I won’t. Not today.

I want to get upstairs and enjoy the evening with youbecause you are watching all our DVR’d episodes of Desparate Housewives without me.

Just remember that all fifteen year olds don’t start off their birthday with school getting cancelled due to a power outage. I doubt that sixteen will start off the same way.

I love you honey-thank you for fifteen great years……here’s to many, many more!

Year Fifteen from Heather Durdil on Vimeo.

Three….How can it Be?

I can’t believe that this past Saturday we celebrated The Niece’s third birthday.

Has it been three whole years since we first welcomed her into the family?

Tomorrow she starts school and her parents are anxious to see her off.

She is equally as excited to go on that bus, she wishes she got her own bus instead of sharing it with her Bubbie.

It has been explained to her that while they share the bus they won’t share a classroom-that made her smile wide.

Dear sweetness, since I know you remember EVERYTHING. Remember that Aunt Heather loves you very much and can not wait to take you to see Disney on Ice in January.

The Niece is Three

we are at the halfway point for NaBloPoMo (30 posts for the 30 days of November) is there anything you would like to know about? Feel free to leave it in the comment section or email me and I will be sure to work it in!