Dear Recycling Truck:
Would it kill you to come the same time every week? I know that your route does not alter from week to week. Its bad enough that you switched our days a couple of months back and didn’t come and get our stuff on the “wrong” day even though the city said you would. But now you come at six in the freaking morning. Maybe I don’t want to put out my recycling the night before because those guys who troll the neighborhood trolling for cans make a mess of my recycling on the lawn. So next week can you just come at 8AM, would it be too much?
A Rejected Recycler
And while we are on the subject of my treelawn.
Lawn Pick up Guys~
Dude, my tree trimmings are decomposing in my tree lawn. Maybe you think because we aren’t sporting a tree out there that we are trying to make up for it by putting all the trimmings out there. Let me clear this up for you…..we aren’t. I call the city and they tell me that you make rounds through out the area to see what needs to get picked up. For the record our stuff has been out there nearly a month. I think you should have seen it by now. You know this reminds me of last fall when you guys drove the leaf vacuum trucks around the neighborhood when all the leaves were still green and on the trees! C’mon guys get it together, I would like to have my lawn back.
The lady who wants her lawn back
When washing the silverware you must wash the whole piece. Please don’t just scrub the top of it and not include the handle. The handle still gets dirty, especially when you lay it on a syrupy plate. Don’t whine and tell me you did it. I know you didn’t…why…when I grabbed a butter knife out of the drawer this morning my hand stuck to it. Now I know that sometimes I have a tendency to drop things so maybe you thought you were helping Mom out. But trust me, you weren’t. You just grossed me out and peeved me off. I mean I couldn’t even fling the knife in the sink because it stuck to my hand.
And speaking of flinging things….could you do a little more of flinging your laundry down the chute? You know that 2 foot square in the wall in your room? I know that if you put the clothes down the chute you may not remember what you wore yesterday or the day before, but really does it matter? Shoving your clothes under your bed, in your barbie bin or in other small spaces requires much more thought than you need to put into the whole laundry process. That giant hole in your wall is there for a reason. Please use it!
Honey I love you, but sometimes you are a bit uptight. When you come into my room at 6AM I may or may not be wearing pants. Don’t freak out on me and tell me that I should put some clothes on. Its my room and for heck’s sake I wear Granny Panties….you saw nothing! So calm down and realize that my mom laid it all out there when I was a kid. You should be glad.
And for the record I have never driven you anywhere sans pants so you really have nothing to worry about. I am a huge prude and couldn’t see myself going anywhere without my pants.
Also honey, when we do go out today could you please for the love of God and everything good pick out a bookbag. School starts in less than a week and I am tired of you complaining you don’t have a bookbag. I have taken you out several times and we keep coming home with new shirts and make-up. You don’t need either of those anymore. So focus….bookbag!!
Love, Your fully clothed Mom
You are cute and fluffy and nice but if you keep ripping up the carpet the top of the stairs I am going to be forced to
kill sell you. You must have overhead the man and I talking about removing the carpet from the stairs. I know you are just trying to be a pain in my ass good kitty and help out. But STOP! I am not redoing the stairs right now and you are just making it look that much worse.
The giver of Pounce Treats
Dear Insurance Company~
You suck! You totally rip us off and I have had it. I hate changing insurance but for you I will make an exception. Please don’t have your agent call us and act like he is our friend. He isn’t, you aren’t and we are done. When our car was stolen you acted like we did it. When our car was found after you deemed it lost but not before you sent out the check you promised us…you decided “Our bad, it still is your car” I will never recommend you to my friends or enemies.
An annoyed insured