First off, thank you for reading my words the other day. Your kind responses here and via email have really touched me. You never know what kind of response you are going to get when you write something truly from the heart. You all have encouraged me to let my thoughts flow a bit freer, and for that I also thank you.

Today was pretty average. Hubby had the day off (as well as tomorrow and Wed.~he is having oral surgery in the morning) We spent the morning, okay I spent the morning enjoying the quiet. The girls slowly staggered out of bed. Hubby had played Grand Theft Auto whatever number they are up to on the PS3 until the wee hours of the morning, so he slept until past noon. Luckily I didn’t get aggitated I had plans.

I met BF (sorry no link she is still blogless) for lunch. I had a horrible time navigating downtown Cleveland traffic. There is a mess of construction and everywhere I looked there were trash trucks, Brinks Trucks and busses. I finally made it to our meeting place about 20 min late. BF looks so cute all pregnant and glowing. I can’t wait to meet the little one in late Nov. We decided on Pickwick and Frolic. The pizza was amazing. It was the Marghetia Pizza (I think that is the spelling) Yumm-o!! And at only $6 a whole pizza…well we were sold.

We chatted and ate for about an hour. It was so nice. I was telling her things the kids were doing and she was telling me of things going on with her. It is so neat to relive the pregnancy stuff but without being pregnant. It is amazing how we can make these little people in our bodies. How before they are even here they interact with us. Tonight, for that special little being I am starting a blanket. I am excited to start. Once it gets going I may show you all, but I don’t know if BF reads, so we shall see.

Last night hubby and I were talking. I told him that I wanted to raise money for Fibro research. They have an annual walk in Orange County on Fibro Day there. I told him that I wanted to try to go and walk the 5K, or even the 10K. He asked wouldn’t it just be easier if we donated the money that would get you there to Fibro research. I don’t know why, but I just want to be there. I want to raise money for it as well as do it. There is form to help you organize a walk/run in your area, but I don’t know if I am organized to do something like that in this juncture of my life. I guess it is something I really need to pray about and talk to hubby about. I will keep you all posted.

Well, off to watch a bit of something and take my pills. See you around!

Edited to Add the link to the Presidential Quiz…..or the first one. Will find the others.

Today I am going to write down Three Random, therefore Misc. facts.

1.

I haven’t often complained here about my disease.

I guess in the realm of diseases I should be happy to only have Fibromyalgia. There are so many other diseases. Degenerative dieases. Diseases that can take you away from you loved ones, that can cut your days short. Maybe I should count myself lucky to “only” have Fibromyalgia and not something else.

After years and years of agony, pain, insomnia, depression, and the physical inability to get around my house, let alone the world. I was finally relieved to know I had “something” and that I wasn’t as crazy as I thought I was becoming. I literally thought I was losing my mind. Over and over from doctor to doctor, the words I kept hearing were “That you are too young to be having this kind of pain and mobility issues”

The one thing that helped with my pain was a powerful narcotic. So powerful that it literally knocked me on my ass and made me drool until my next dose was due. I remember telling the doctor that this couldn’t be the only way. My daughters were 7 and 4. What kind of life did I have. I didn’t care if my life was full of pain, because this so-called pain free life, it did nothing for me. What happened was my kids became a bit more independant quicker than they should have. They also came to resent the pain that I was in. Sometimes chiming in with others saying “If you only didn’t want to be in pain you would be fine.”

For years my husband didn’t understand the pain I went through. He said that he understood, but deep down I knew he didn’t. He would still get frustrated when things didn’t get done. My great accomplishment of taking a shower and feeding the girls food didn’t really appease him. He never complained, but I could see it in his eyes. He never said that he didn’t believe I was in pain. No, he loved me too much to say to my face I was a liar, but I could see it in his eyes. The doubt that lay just beneath the surface. The hope that one day I would “Just snap out of it” It took a back injury and over six months to heal that he finally understood. And when he did understand he apologized. That meant so much to me, for him to finally understand.

I remember not long after I finally had a name for my pain, Fibromyalgia. At this point I wasn’t taking any meds. I had gone into a remission of sorts and was feeling better about myself than I had in years. I signed up for a study for patients that had fibromyalgia. I carried a Palm device around with me, recording my pain, answering questions. I would drive an hour and a half each week to meet at the Lab for the test patients. After downloading my data, I could hear the woman in the hallway complaining that I didn’t have “enough pain” for her. That sometimes “these patients have dealt with pain for so long that they just don’t know how to comprehend it correctly” When she opened that door I knew that she was going to ask me to leave the study. She tried to get me to admit my pain was greater than the number I assigned to it. Maybe it was, but at this point I had been dealing with this constant pain for over 4 years. At this point I was walking around freely, being able to sit down and get up without assistance. So I didn’t argue, I left.

Two weeks later I wouldn’t leave my house for nearly a month because of the pain and fatigue. It was at that time I started taking meds. I take Nortriptalyne (or however its spelled) It is a sedating anti depressant that helps me get the deep sleep I need to cope with the pain. It has worked for over a year, I think it may have stopped. The doctor has asked me to double my dose to see what that does and I don’t know how I feel about that. I know that part of it is the emotionally drained and exhausted part of my brain that thinks “we can still do it, we don’t need more meds” I don’t know why I am so afraid of meds. I know at this juncture in my life that I am probably never going to be med free, that is just the way it is. My husband and I talk about a day where I just won’t be able to get along. Or the day when my vision finally fails me (I have such horrible vision and I am blind without my glasses) And I laugh and joke, but in the inside it is just killing me. I never want to be that hollow shell of a woman ever again.

The reason I am writing this is for a couple of reasons. One, if you have Fibromyalgia please know that you aren’t alone. There are millions of us out here willing to talk to you. Chances are we have been through what you are going through now. If we haven’t we are still a great ear and/or shoulder. Which brings me to the Second reason why I am writing this….I really want to help raise Fibromyalgia awareness. I am not sure how I am going to do that. I have been praying about it for a while and am not sure exactly what direction I am going to take, but I know I want to take a step in the right direction. I am thinking of starting a support group in the area, I have all the paperwork, I just haven’t made any decisions yet, because this won’t only affect me, but my family as well. So they need to be included in this choice. But as I am revamping this site I am going to dedicate more time here to education and awareness.

Don’t worry it won’t change overnight, it won’t be all Fibro all the time, but I did have a heaviness on my heart to write this.

Fibromyalgia doesn’t make me, but how it has changed my life, it has helped define me.

For more information on Fibromyalgia, please check out this site

I totally hate this weather. It was so lovely earlier today, it was still this warm but I was out of touch with it. I put on my fave pair of jeans (that make my butt look really good), one of my brown light weight t’s from American Eagle Salvation Army and my brown flip flops. I started sweating as soon as I hit the driveway.

Now since I have taken to reading your minds I know you are saying “But Heather you went into the heat from the nice comfort of the AC”

And this is where I say “Wrong Internets…I did not”

See when we bought our lovely house 3 years ago they claimed that it had a new AC. When we did the home inspection we found that they in fact had not purchased a new AC. They replaced a part on the 25 yo AC unit. So while back in the day our AC unit would be the envy of the street. In the here and now, it totally sucks.

We have ceiling fans and regular fans that all have to be in use while the AC is on to help circulate the air. And there is this crazy leak in the new furnace because the drain for the AC in the old furnace doesn’t mesh up. So I have to either coral the water to the drain or use a baking sheet and empty it out daily. I vote for neither. Because the only rooms in the house that get cooler from the AC is the office and the bathroom on the 2nd floor.
The rest of the house is still the same and has the extra benefit of feeling stuffy. Plus I get to hear myself say over and over “Chicken or Giggles stop sitting on the vent it. Your cold butt isn’t going to cool off the house”

And with all this fun and stuffiness we get to pay nearly $150-200 more per month on the electric. (Talk about great energy useage)

The kids, Giggles in particular, is trying to convince us we need a window unit. Just for my room though. Um, no….if I have a window unit ya’ll are gonna want in here and that isn’t happening!

So internets, how do you deal with the heat?

Yes, that’s right, I do. It wasn’t until we got internet in December that I started reading blogs. I mean I read them a bit here and there, but not like I do now. I heart blogs and all the talk of blogs. What in the world did I do without blogs?

Well I thought nicer words, that’s what.

Nicer words, what are you talking about? Well words and phrases like “helza”, “suck a duck”, “

Well its 2:30 AM EST and while the new X Files movie “I want to Believe”, well let’s just say. “I wanted more X-Files” I didn’t feel that it was really up to the first movie and series standard. It is missing that dry wit and humor. And of course, all of the old guys. It was a good movie, but not a rush off and see it as fast as you can.

Would I go to the midnight showing again. Of course, Shan and I had a super terrific time. Would I recommend you go to a midnight showing of it. Well, probably not. Unless you are going for the company and wit of your friends, just as much as for the movie.

Well it is later, I am tired…..I want to go to bed.

that is what I am expecting to get on Friday afternoon. Two girls who are very much disillusioned and confused.

“But, why is that Heather?” You may be asking me from your office. (By the way, I can never hear you when you speak to your computer, so you must be glad that I have that wonderful ability to read your mind)

Well I say that because today is Wednesday and when I tried to contact Giggles about getting more crickets for her lizards she texted me. “Can’t talk now, movies” Which I am assuming means that Aunt Supertime took them there. Which is great!! Don’t get me wrong, but these girls are going to be coming home expecting me to do super fab things with them all the time.

I don’t have an exact schedule, all these things I am about to tell you I have gathered from the brief 5 min convo with Chicken or from video messages from Giggles.

~The girls ate fondue for dinner on Sunday night
~The girls didn’t go to bed until well after midnight on the same night
~The girls aren’t doing any dishes (I guess that is the way it should be….well at least according to Chicken)
~The girls went to a pottery place and painted lots of pottery on Monday.
~When checking out my SIL’s myspace page on Tuesday there was a message “Aunt Supertime is on her way to get Dippin’ Dots”
~When I tried to talk to Giggles about crickets she was at the “moves” Which I am assuming is movies.
~One of the girls forgot their toothbrush, is she brushing her teeth….and the one who took her toothbrush…what about her teeth
~Oh, and tomorrow they are going to a state park for canoeing and horseback riding.

They come home on Friday afternoon. Who knows what else they will be doing between now and then. Or what they did yesterday morning. I am glad they are having a good time. No I am not jealous. I am excited to deal with crazy children hopped up on fun. If you have never sent your children away to have fun then have them come home to the “real” world you have no idea what fun I am in for. I recommend you send your child/children on the first bus to “Super Funsville” and see how excited they are when they come home. (Totally Kidding)

In other news. I will find the sites in which I took the quizzes from yesterday and post them for those interested in finding out how quizzes tell you to vote. (Jess I assume that this method is better and preferred over the “freakin.CHAIN.MAIL” )

I am going to Costco in the morning along with going to downtown Cleveland. I “might” actually remember to take my camera with me. If so someday I will have photos to share with you about this trip. But I wouldn’t hold my breath as August is looking pretty scary.

And lastly…I am SUPER excited!! Friday at 12:01 AM a couple of my peeps and I are going to see the new X-Files movie. I am sooooooooo excited! I haven’t been to a midnight showing of anything in forever and I am going with the friends I saw the first movie with. I thought of making us corny t’s but I don’t think Shan would wear hers. Although I could be wrong, I should go harass her at work tomorrow to see if she would. Okay, I am off!!

Jennifer from Major Knitter! Thanks so much for coming over and making a suggestion Jennifer. Just shoot me off your address and the prize will be all yours!!

I had a total of ten comments that day. So I took my trusty “H” shaped post it pad and wrote everyone’s name down on a separate piece. Folded them up in quarters and put them in an empty Coke 24 pack box, shook it up and grabbed one out. The cat and dog were really interested in what I was doing. But when they realized that it didn’t end up in treats for them they were less interested.

This week will be just me most of the time. Hubby is working the rest of the week and the girls are in Columbus with their aunt and uncle. Yesterday they painted pottery and sent me a video via the phone. It was pretty cool. I wanted them to just send me abstract photos all week so I could guess what they were doing but Giggles deemed that to be too immature and stupid. (I don’t think those were her exact words, it was more like a look she gave me. Anyone with teens will understand) So far I just have the one video. Chicken’s promises of calling me every night before bed were broken that first night. She did call me in the morning to see how I dealt with “Not talking to her precious baby girl” (Her words, not mine) She promised she would call last night, but I knew she was lying when those words came out of her mouth. But fun with Uncle Awesome and Aunt Supertime (She is with Hubby’s brother and SIL for those who know the family) really outshines calling your mother.

Before they left I did have an interesting conversation with Chicken. See, the girls know that if something would happen and hubby and I would both pass away that they would be going to BF’s. Some people might find it morbid to tell a kid what would happen to them in those circumstances, but my girls are older. (We didn’t tell them this from the time they could remember, it happened a couple of years ago). I also want them to be prepared. Would I want to die before they are grown, no of course not, but could I? Sure, anything is possible. I have no idea when mine or hubby’s number is up. So I want them to know where they are going, when everything else is all topsy turvy and there are unknow things all around they will have some sort of stability. Plus they won’t get some crazed idea in their head of where they are going. But to get back to the subject….

Chicken was concerned that should something horrible befall her father and I while they were in Columbus this week that would they need to take the trip back up here to the Cleveland area to go to “their new house” Couldn’t they just stay there, everyone would be ever upset and “When you’re upset the last thing you want to do is take a long car ride, Mom” says the Chicken .

“Well Chicken the thing is, you would have to come back to get your stuff, to have a funeral, to see people…..so you are already coming up you might as well go to Aunt BF’s house”

She seemed okay with that answer, but I am sure over the course of the next 4 days Chicken will no doubt inform Uncle Awesome and Aunt Supertime that in our untimely demise they will just be a ride back to the Cleveland area because we don’t need them, or whatever else her out of the box 10 year old brain comes up with. Hopefully there won’t be any hard feelings and hopefully there will never be a need for who gets the girls next.

Which brings me to an important point…..the service announcement of my post, I guess. Where would your kiddo(s) go in the event that something would happen to you and your SO? This is something that should be addressed sooner rather than later.

Okay, service announcement over I am going to run. Need to get some editing done and clean the house. Because sadly before they left the girls tore it up more. UGH.